I woke up this morning not wanting to fulfill a commitment I made six months ago. So I talked with God about it all morning. "God, I really don't want to go." Why? "Going takes a lot out of me emotionally. Most of the time I don't feel like the job I do is sufficient." And? "Well, I kinda got my feelings hurt a little bit last week there, too." And so went my morning of making up excuses for what boiled down to selfishness.
Once a week for three hours I hang out at a local non-profit organization that ministers to women in crisis. I focus on listening to these women's stories and then speaking truth, love, and encouragement into their lives.
Six months ago I made the commitment to be there every Thursday afternoon, but for superfluous reasons, I just didn't want to be there today. But God reminded me that days like today are the very reason we make commitments at all - so that when we don't "feel" like doing something, we do it anyway.
I'm already a little self conscious about whether or not I'm really ministering to these women and making a difference, and then when I arrive today, I find out that a new volunteer in training is going to sit in on my first session. Oh great! Now this newbie can confirm for me exactly how poorly I'm doing.
(I don't want to project this "poor me" image...I'm just letting you in on my internal conversation.)
Before I meet with the first scheduled client, I notice a placard on the wall that has Galatians 6:9 written across it: "Do not weary in doing good for in due time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up." Right, God, the whole commitment thing. I got it. Thank you for the pep talk!
And then I met Corie, who completely blew my self-induced, pathetic pity party to the four corners. Thank God! I can't tell you the details of Corie's story (or even her real name) for privacy purposes, but I know today is one of those days where my life was noticeably changed by my encounter with this young woman. And all I could think this afternoon as my three hour shift ended was that if I had bowed out of my commitment, I never would have met Corie. And my perspective wouldn't have shifted in a way only she could induce, and my commitment to keep supporting this organization wouldn't have grown.
I'll take a day like that any day.